I often wonder if God is real. I wonder how it’s possible that so many
individuals in every area of the globe can be driven by a fear so great that
they refuse to acknowledge beliefs different than their own.
I
think that all people are searching for love.
I believe that people are searching for a type of desperate love so fulfilling
that the fear of eternal rejection is enough to cause a person to do just about
anything. However, as I have grown older,
I have come to understand that love surrounds everyone but can become invisible
with the struggles of each new day.
The
light that shines through sorrows when a passerby gives a genuine smile or the
gift of a child when ordinary life has completely veered off course are the
signs I look for; the crazy things to redirect your spirits proving that no one
is alone.
But, I don’t always believe in God.
I don’t have a full house on the weekends or cards from family and
friends filled with love during the holidays.
In hindsight, I know what choices I have made to make such a reality and,
I have bettered my life because of those decisions. I have been a victim of good luck at just the
right moments so many times that I have come to realize how much strength I have
as a person. I understand why some
people don’t believe in God; some people struggle for a lifetime just to look
back one day and realize that they have been forgotten. After years of praying and gaining nothing in
return, its seems that the fantasy of eternal ecstasy is a beauty that can no
longer be trusted with so many haunting dreams in the review mirror.
I can never seem to forget about love.
The fantasies I have of being seen, as my obsession with every passerby
makes me realize that people do most things for love. Whether an education brings a desired job, or
planting flowers in front of a house that brings a feeling of beauty and
passion, love is the driving force of the world.
As I fight to bring my observations
into clarity, I remember a wise man telling me that the reason we pray is
because every human is searching for love that can only be given from the God
or Being from which we came. As I picture
the heavens above, I can’t help but wonder if this was an answer to my prayer.
Recommended Reading: Ralph Ellison, The Invisible Man
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